“Murmurs of the Evening”
In the quiet of the evening, when shadows unfurl,
Murmurs overflow through the stories untold.
Where twilight moves on the quiet breeze,
An embroidery of dreams murmurs among the trees.
Tribute to the evening, thy spiritualist cover,
Veiling mysteries in a heavenly cloud.
Powers of fate line up, their brilliant light,
Directing lost spirits through the most obscure evening.
The songbird sings her forlorn melody,
Reverberating through the quiet, peaceful and solid.
Her song winds through the 12 PM air,
An unpleasant bedtime song for those despondently.
The moon, a watchman, a silver circle,
Projecting gleam on hearts retain,
The delicate comfort of its serene pillars,
Stroking tired spirits in tranquil dreams.
Underneath the shroud of obscurity, sweethearts meet,
Their murmurs an ensemble, delicate and sweet.
Words traded like fragile ribbon,
Wrapping them in a delicate hug.
Murmurs of the evening, insider facts they share,
Trusted to the moon, the stars’ grave gaze.
Confounding stories murmured on the breeze,
Shielded constantly, always quiet.
Goodness, nighttime hours, strange and huge,
Divulging the excellence of the shadows cast.
Inside your hug, we track down comfort and effortlessness,
In the murmurs of the night’s captivated space.
In this way, let us give up to the night’s hug,
Embracing its sorcery, its delicate effortlessness.
Furthermore, in the murmurs of the night’s quiet call,
We’ll track down our asylum, our shelter, our everything.
It is quite the mystic and calm poetry. The imaginary visuals it provided to me as I read it word to word were splendid. Though, “Her song winds through the 12 PM air,” instead of mentioning the exact time you can mention the time of the day {i.e. “Her song winds through the peak afternoon air” or “Her song flows through the afternoon air”} to enhance the flow of the poem as well as lets it be more imaginative in the agency for the reader.
Another is the use of punctuations. Instead of using comas for a dramatic pause you can use semicolons (;) and even dramatic line breaks to further keep the vibe of the poem going because in the middle I did feel the flow of the poem being disrupted due to the punctuations.
In conclusion, it is a wonderful poem that requires a little more of polishing [which will keep on happening as you further with your writing journey] . Come back to this in weeks or an year or two; a writer will always find ways to enhance their old works and that’s the part of the essence of writing.