THE COBWEBS

My thoughts weave a cobweb
Around me,as I ebb
And flow in like a wave,
They strangulate and cave
In and I crave for some air,
As they fiercely glare
At me, drops of perspiration
Appear on my forehead,resulting in a creation
Of an unending maze,
The dark shadows graze
On each and every part of my brain,
Each breaking into unbearable pain.

I try to run away and escape,
They run after me changing shape
At every step that I take,
Trying forcefully to rape
All my feelings and emotions,
Throttling all my sensations,
The more I try to detangle,
The more in them I get entangled,
They scare me in various forms
Beating me within like a bad,violent storm,
I try to find a shelter and hide,
But everywhere their vicious eyes pried.

I choke with frustration
Unable to grab anyone’s attention,
I feel everyone around me is out to harm
Me, like bees the fears swarm
And sting me;I try to fight
With all my might,
But strangely fail,
As my thoughts ail,
Tired of trying to get out
Of the webs,there follows another bout
Between my thoughts;I try to shout,
And as the scary shadows take on,I shut out.

My people say I am schizophrenic,
That I am hallucinogenic,
How can I tell them how I suffocate,
As the shadows wrap around me like vipers and kraits,
How will they understand my pain and alarm,
And how much the dark ones cause me harm!
They will never understand me and make a mockery
Of my fears, my situations,armed with their snobbery,
They come with their advice,saying I need help,
I just want to scream at them and yelp,
I know against me they are all conniving,
To finish me off, they all are striving.

They are all hand in gloves with the dark shadows,
All trying to drive me down the lows,
Why do they think I will trust them
When all they do is make me numb,
With all the syrups and coloured pills,
Making me cow down and lie still,
When the shadows still keep torturing,
In soft tones my people go on murmuring,
Their quietness and soft tone slowly slaughtering
Me,as badly I set to get down to cobwebs clearing,
To free myself and escape getting murdered
By people I call my own; but as I lie befouled and befuddled
I think,I would prefer getting killed
By the same cobwebs,that my thoughts had nurtured.

-Madhumita

The mindset of a person suffering from schizophrenia