By my tears

You thought I didn’t care,
It wasn’t true.
I acted like I didn’t,
Only so it wouldn’t look so to you.
It was so much easier when I thought you didn’t care,
It was so much more easier when I thought you didn’t notice.
Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t,
But you were sure as hell good at pretending.
I can never figure you out, honestly I don’t know if I want to anymore.
To be able to get back in the hole, I would have to give up this whole.
To be able to love you back, I would have to stop loving myself.
Is it worth it, One might ask.
Half of me says, oh it’s worth more than the sunlight and the wind,
While the other half argues it shall bring rain and strom,
that will not go away untill all my insides are blown away,
Until all I lived for is lost and forgotten.
Yeah I did live for you once, yeah I did love you once,
I know I should still do that to be called
“yours”,
But I don’t want to.
I want to be called mine, by me.
I want to be free of this unknown and unending pain of betrayal,
Of sadness, of everything my smile hid under your mesmerizing smile.
Oh that smile, yeah it was breath taking,
Didn’t know it could literally do that everytime your face flashes in front of my eyes that long for you, still.
Now I know, you didn’t mean as much, your dream that I had, your painting that I painted, did.
You are a piece of art, but not worthy enough to be painted by my tears.