I miss you but you’re still here

After all this time the small things matter,
It did not fall nor did it shatter.

I wish to be as dedicated as you,
You loved so actively, proof
Of the truth that we know in our hearts.

Every morning of every day
You sought after the needs of the one you saved.

You brought us up spoiled us rotten
Please don’t fear it’ll never be forgotten.
For how could someone who was loved so unconditionally,
Forget what you’ve shown, done and grown in me.

You looked at me today tears in your eye
Out of your mouth you uttered the words goodbye,
I could see the fear as you peered through the tears,

Maybe they resonated with my own ideas
My own fear that leers
In my soul, you’ve grown old.

But when you’ve gone
I’ll remember how your life shone.
And it will echo in me as I live and breathe,
I’ll see the things that you seen and the things that remained a mystery.

As I sit and I write words that might,
Never be seen by the light
Of day, I’m torn inside like a mental fight.

Everyday you struggle and fall
Crawl
Get back up battered and bruised like you been in a brawl.
Sometimes I think…
Is this right?

Right that you must fight with all of your might to keep the flame alight.
Is it wrong to ask if it’s better for you to move on
Where there’s no pain no struggle to regain
Your footing or grip, you can’t crack your hip
I dream of a world after this life
Where one day you’ll be joined by your wife.

Then you can travel wherever, forever you’ll be together.
And I’ll, no… we’ll join you some day

And we’ll both be young, telling stories that are dumb.
But we’ll laugh and look back with a smile,
With the heart of a child
Together…

So I carried you today, put you in the car and waved
As I drove away
To a different destination,
A different place.

I don’t want you to thank me, I don’t want you to cry,
Nor want you to die
Lest it lessen the pain inside
How could I?
Who offer so little accept thanks from you who offered​ so much
I cry from my guts.

I don’t know what this poem will do
But it’s oozing out
Like a spout
Of doom and gloom
Tears filling the room
When you’ve gone
But for now you live on
Even after you’ve shone

Your last light fades
We’ll find ways
To remember you and praise the ways
You raised
Us.